ON MY ANNIVERSARY,18th.NOV.2010

Today is our anniversary,and we would have completed 49 blissful,beautiful,warm,love-filled,charming years.Yes, that is what my life, with my extraordinary husband was like.He had a great sense of humour,and always said,with a big smile,"We are on a permanent honeymoon!"And indeed we were.We never stopped talking,laughing,sharing,enjoying,and our life was full of fun.He knew how to create smiles,and we enjoyed every moment of the beautiful togetherness,we shared.Friends very often asked us,"What do you constantly talk about?Whenever we see you driving past,you are so busy talking to each other,that you don't notice anything else!"Yes,our life was like an exciting adventure,full of happiness to the core,and never ever did we imagine that it would be so short lived.

On every a'versary,what is the first thought that comes to my mind?Why?Why? Why did this have to happen,and why did our beautiful,happy world, suddenly come crashing down,destroying everything into smithereens,and leaving me completely shattered,alone,helpless,and sunk in the depths pf despair?We shared many dreams,planned for many achievements,looked forward to so much.But suddenly I felt as if I was in a dark tunnel,with no chance of anything to look forward to.Even today,after almost 25 yrs. of steering the boat alone,I still haven't got over the shock of that devastating moment,that turned my life upside down,ripping it apart,and constant tears,and fears,my steady companions.

But, its the love we shared,our dreams together,the various plans we had,and the success of my children, that gave me the strength, to get started,and keep moving,inspite of the pain,and the urge to give up.We had never met each other before we got married,but in him,I found a wonderful human being,shared many similarities,and most of all,we loved each other,which was Gods gift to us.When something is built on love,it cannot be destroyed,and thats what kept me going.To make all his dreams come true,and not put obstacles in the path of our son's.Today,in 2010, I can say, that all this has been achieved,and I should be happy,and proud.But the pain inside, is as bad as ever.

Every a'sary,its the same feelings,the hurt,pain,loneliness,as bad as ever,and the injustice of it all,creating helplessness.But joy,and sorrow, are two sides of the same coin,and one has to face what comes in life.Today,I miss him terribly,think of the fun we would have had,his surprise gifts,and so much more,and the pain increases.But I have come so far,don't know how much time I have,and will continue to live in my own way,because love conquers all,and is a many splendoured thing,to be treasured,and enjoyed.So,while I do have a constant nagging pain,I also greatly savour the 25 beautiful,happy, fulfilling years, he gave me,as a fitting tribute to a great marriage,and a wonderful relationship.