12th.APRIL,A SPECIAL DAY 4 ME.

Today is my husband's b'day,and, although he left me more than 25 yrs. ago,this day continues to come, loaded with wonderfully happy memories,and also tinged with sadness, at what might have been.Yes, there is a space in my heart which is full of pain,and a deep sense of loss, and lots of unanswered questions.But ,we shared lovely moments together,and I can still recall every birthday,and the unending joy we managed to create.

He came from a very conservative family,and celebrating b'days etc. were just not done,for fear of the evil eye.And, in my family, we celebrated everything in a big way,and my parents would go all out,to make the day special, in every possible way.They say, opposites attract,but, in our case, we were just thrown together, two completely unknown people,and it was left to us, to go, in whichever direction we wanted to follow.And we didn't really know much about attraction etc.Or rather, we didn't know much about anything.But everyone is born with survival skills,and learns soon enough,how to tackle the situation.So did we, or, to put it correctly,I did.He didn't know a thing about anything relating to the home,so I had to take things in hand,and find my way out.But we had loads of fun,as we made our way together,and as love grew,and blossomed, we started enjoying many things, which were new to him,and which soon became an inseparable part of our lives.

I still remember his 1st. b'day after marriage,12th Apr.1962.When he left for work, I just told him not to return late, because a friend was dropping in, to meet him.He didn't suspect anything,and in those days, there were no hassles like cell-phone etc. so I knew he wouldn't find out anything. And he wouldn't remember either.After he left, I got started with my plans,and being young,and new,it was a difficult task.But I managed to make payesh,keemar ghoogni,luchi,aloor dom,and decorated the dinner table with lovely fresh flowers.We were living in Salem,Tamilnadu, so flowers were available everywhere, and I had my own flower seller,coming home.I also dressed up well,and was completely ready, when the b'day boy returned.He was surprised to see me all dolled up,and more surprised,when he entered, and went to the dining table.It was a rickety cane table,but love had worked wonders,and created a beautiful,dreamy atmosphere.

He was shy,embarrased, hesitant, but I could see the glow of happiness in his eyes,and that was my biggest reward.I had baked a small cake,which he cut,and after that,we sat down to enjoy the party.It was simple, certainly not perfect,very amateurish,but we felt as if we were in heaven.He enjoyed every morsel,was full of praise, and then I gave him his gift.It was his favourite book,with a few poetic lines from me,and he just melted.It was the happiest day for us,sweet,simple, and straight from the heart.

Over the years, we celebrated every occasion, with a lot of excitement, preparation, and planning. The children's b'days were huge events,eagerly looked forward to,by everyone, and thanks to the coaching he received from them, he also learnt to select gifts for each one of us.If they were not up to the mark,he was apologetic,but I loved him as he was,and didn't really care for what he bought.And, he always loved to talk about that 1st. b'day, which caught him unawares,and introduced him, to fun,and joy, he had never experienced.And till today, I believe, that its the simple,loving, acts of thoughtfulness,care,sensitivity, that matter,and money can never,ever substitute the workings of the heart.